I happened to be at a seminar that was titled " The rising stars". A mother stood up and shared her story about how she trusted her child into the hands of their house help, who constantly molests her son.
She said her son became sexually active at a very tender age. Over time, she never bothered to spend enough time with her son or ask him deep questions. No communi- cation or whatsoever. She comes back from work late, and before she could talk with her child,he is already sleeping. No time at all.Some months later, she started observing some strange behaviors in her child. Each time she finds the time to spend with her son, she will carry him and the boy would always touch her in some in appropriate places.
" I never knew this kind of thing could happen to my own child; my only son for that matter". She said dabbing the tears in her eyes.
She became scared and about her son's recent development.Her questions were never answered. She did all she could to ensure that her son tells her why he is acting that way. The child became withdrawn and far from his mother. This went on for sometime, before she decided to visit a psychologist on behalf of her child.
She explained everything to the psychologist and asked her son questions in her presence but no response from him, ; all he does was to struggle to ensure he touch his mum as usual. So sad indeed!
As a psychologist,she asked the boy's mum to excuse them so that she can be with the boy and find out what the problem is.
The psychologist carried the boy and the boy started doing the same thing he does to his mum. Being a psychologist, she allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do. She observed him closely and noticed that someone has been polluting the boy.
From what she gathered,she decided to use simple method to ask the boy questions using the parts the boy touched to know who has been molesting him. And the boy was able to talk to her.
The psychologist was heartbroken because of how the boy was acting. The boy became so engrossed and addicted to what he has been taught.
His mother was called in and was asked who she has been leaving her child with. She told the psychologist. To her greatest surprise the psychologist mentioned the name of the house help because the little boy mentioned her name as he was telling the psychologist how she always asked him to touch her.
His mother broke down in tears,she regretted trusting her child into someone's care. She wished that she was more observant and watchful, but the mistake has been done. It will really take a long time to mend the little boy's life.
Molesting a child be it boy or a girl has a great impact on the child. Very few of us were lucky enough to scale through this. Some reasons being that our parents were very watchful, other reasons could be that we were lucky enough not to have fallen victim and our area of residents.
Above all these reasons, children shouldn't be molested no matter how bad their environment is, and anyone who does this has a big psychological problem.
Most often , these kids are being taken advantage of because of their innocence, absent of their parents, the area they live and because they can't understand what is being done to them.
Research has found that children exposed to violence or abuse, if left unaddressed or ignored, are at an increased risk for emotional and behavioral problems in the future. Children who are abused may not be able to express their feelings safely and as a result, may develop difficulties regulating their emotions. As adults, they may continue to struggle with their feelings, which can lead to depression or anxiety.
The psychological effect of molesting a child will not only affect the child instantly but also in the future if not properly dealt with.
The effects seems minor but will gradually spread like a virus. A child who has been abused might grow up not knowing what is love or whom to love. I was listening to a radio program few months ago, a woman who has been abused as a child called in crying because her life isn't worth living anymore. She was greatly affected while growing up. She doesn't know what love is and because of that, she falls into the hands of any man she sees.
I can recall her last statement which brought tears to my face. She said: " I can't count how many times I was abused and used as a child;my body irritates me whenever I take a look at myself. But at times I feel there is still hope for me somewhere and love, which I am still journeying to find" .
Molesting a child might result to social isolation, a situation whereby the child is withdrawn from everyone both at home and outside the home.
It also causes a child to get involved in exam malpractices because since he can't get himself to read, that's the only thing that will help him.
A child who has been constantly abused will loose interest academically and will not be attentive in class.They also face trauma due to the shock and how forcefully they were manhandled.
Molesting a child will make them feel dirty and worthless when they become an adult. They will always feel like their body is dirty and rotten.
But there is a way to ensure that children are protected and guided.
As parents, the safety of your child should be your priority. To ensure your child doesn't fall a victim:
•COMMUNICATION is vital , communicate with your child, ask them questions about their day, how it went, what happened. Have a deep talk with them and I am sure that you will get what you want to hear. Communication leads to closeness in the family.
•Another one is to BE WATCHFUL. Always look out for your child or children and observe some strange behaviors that aren't proper. Look out for them and always know where they are at every point in time.
•CHECKING POLICIES too is important . In your child's school, check our and find out their policies about child abuse or anything that has to do with sexual immortality and what they do to the offenders.
•BE WITH YOUR CHILD at every point in time no matter how hard it is especially in public places. Ensure following your child to the restroom , stores and other places that requires you to be there.
• Another way is to MONITOR ONLINE ACTIVITIES. Monitor what your child do online and who they interact with. By doing so you will prevent child predators to have access to your child.
•USE ASSERTIVE METHOD to teach your child on how to stand up for his/ herself without offending someone. Teaching a child how to be a good child without blindly obeying what ever someone says will make them understand and know when to say " No and Yes"
•USING SCENARIO to ask your child questions will determine what they will do when they find themselves in such situations. Questions like: "what if an adult touched you in your private parts, what will you do?"what if an adult makes you feel uncomfortable,what do u do? Listen to them and hear the answers you will get from them.
•USING ACCURATE NAMES to teach your child about his/ her body parts by labelling them, using accurate terms for sex acts according to their age. Make sure you teach them the parts that shouldn't be touched by anyone and making them know that its not okay for those parts to be tampered with.
•MODEL AN APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR for them by making them understand what a child and an adult behaviour should look like . Make them understand that adults aren't interested in child relationship, but with an adult and children are friends with other kids not with an adult.
By teaching them all these, children will be at a lower risk of been molested. It's a great offence to God to molest a child, because they are innocent and naive,their innocence shouldn't be taken for granted.
Children should be loved and not to be used. Thanks and do spread the knowledge. God loves us. If have any suggestion, please feel free to drop it. Thanks .
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